I should really play a video game one of these days. I’ve got, like, several dozen, but I never touch them.
Almost never, anyway. Shawn and I have a kind of sporadic, Europa Universalis IV campaign we’ve been doing for a few months, but we haven’t gotten back to it in a couple of weeks, and don’t know if we’ll be picking it up again.
Grand Theft Auto 5? Great game! Played about two hours of it a year ago.
Cities: Skylines? Played a lot of that, but the last time was months ago.
FarCry 3? Told it still holds up really well. I wouldn’t know, though, since I think I bailed ten minutes into the thing and that was that.
I tell myself that it’s my machine—that some of these games (GTAV most notably) are just a bit too clunky on my two-year-old rig, and that I’ll get back into them once I’ve replaced it.
“One day! One day, I’ll have a computer capable of running Cities: Sklines without choking to death trying to simulate a traffic system more complicated than two intersections and a bike path, and then I’ll be a gamer again!”
That’s what I tell myself. But in truth? I don’t believe it.
I think I’m just bad at having fun.
Bad at relaxing.
Bad at just chilling out and not worrying about what I have to do next. Even last week, when Alex had her vacation, and the two of us spent most of the time walking or just hanging out together—I couldn’t go more than a few hours without thinking about all the work I wanted to get done, but wasn’t.
Ultimately, I think I’m just bad at being healthy.
Some days, I feel like such shit that when I wake up I wonder how the hell I’m going to get anything done. So on the good days, when I can actually do things, I work. I get my ass in gear and take care of business, checking off tasks as fast as I can, because who knows how I’ll feel the next day.
I need to fix that.
Once in a while, I need to take a good day, and claim it as mine.
A day to just chill.
A day to play games, watch movies, or read something with a sleazy detective and a femme fatale who’ll probably wind up dead by the detective’s own hand.
A day to just be healthy.
I’m awful at social media.
I’ve lost track of how many accounts I’ve started and abandoned within days. And how many I’ve gone back to with every intention of sticking around, only to watch them be ignored and fall once again into oblivion.
Then again, I’m kind of awful at being social in general.
A few years ago, I saw some web comic (or maybe it was an article, I don’t know) that explained introverts and extroverts more or less like this:
Introverts gain energy from being alone and doing alone-type-things, and spend that energy when they interact with others. Extroverts, on the other hand, spend energy when they’re alone or do things on their own, and actually gain energy by being around other people.
I don’t claim this explanation has any real scientific or psychological validity, but it seems to describe things pretty well from where I’m sitting. For me, interacting with other people takes effort. And sometimes that effort could be fairly compared to scaling Everest without the benefit of supplemental oxygen.
It’s not that I dislike people, mind you. Or that I don’t enjoy me a party every now and then, or can’t have fun with friends out at a bar or wherever. I like people, but they’re exhausting. And you know, I always find it weird when I see others criticize this view, or when friends claim that I don’t actually like people, because if I did, hanging out with them wouldn’t be so draining.
You can really like running, but you’d be totally justified in collapsing after a marathon.
Shit, this post has gotten way off topic.
The point here is that I’ve decided to give social media another go, make an honest attempt to interact with people, and not let it all fall apart within a week. I’ve resurrected my Instagram account, and I promise to use Twitter as more than just a place to write “I’m tired” every other day. Then there’s Tumblr, which I guess is like having another blog, only somehow less useful.
I’m also on Facebook, because I’m old and most of my friends are old, but I really only use that to share music I’ve found, repost memes, and make (often terrible) jokes. I also complain about technology, but that shouldn’t surprise you.
So, click one of those links (or use the hard-to-see, unclickably-tiny graphics in the “Social” widget on this page) and follow me on the social network of your choice.
If I keep this up long enough to clutter your timeline, it’d be a miracle.
Alex has been on vacation this week, and the extraordinary weather has let us enjoy almost every minute of it. Taking walks around the neighborhood and downtown, visiting the local library, going out to eat—we’ve had a full schedule, but it’s the sort of schedule that recharges you, rather than leaving you a dead, shriveled up husk on the floor.
Although I am sore.
I think I’ve walked twenty miles this week, and since that’s about eighteen more than I’m used to, my legs and feet are…less than happy with me.
It’s raining today, though, so my feet get a break, and Alex and I get to watch television and play board games. Specifically, we get to watch MST3K: The Return, Lost, and Babylon 5, before playing Scrabble, Battleship, and whatever else floats our goat.
Pretty damned perfect end to the week if you ask me.
P.S. I’ve also been using this week to add to, organize, and edit my growing collection of photos (including the one at right, taken in my back yard). And you know what? I think I might be kind of good at it.